« Perry Bible Fellowship | Main | Princess Leia's Metal Bikini »

August 30, 2005

My Submission for Neo Orleans

keywords: Hurricane, New Orleans, Neo Orleans

First I'd like to say that the events surrounding the hurricane this week were(are) very tragic we don't intend this to make light of the humanitarian situation at all. There is no nice way to say it, but New Orleans is, quite literally, up shit creek without a paddle. Getting straight to the point: They should bail on New Orleans, and build Neo Orleans as a floating megacity on Lake Pontchartrain....

As of Tuesday, 80% of the city is underwater, their levees and pumping stations are trashed, and for a city that’s 15 feet below sea level it is real bad news. There is significant structural damage to the buildings, that would require every single building in the city to be inspected and repaired should they even be able to pump the city dry of the dirty sea water, oil, and toxic waste flooding the city. It'll take months before the residence can even attempt to get back to life as usual, and even then almost everything is gone. As rich a history and culture New Orleans had, anyone who's been there can tell you, its not the cleanest best smelling city on earth. Now instead of the streets flowing with urine, vomit, and garbage there is fetid death water, petro-chemicals, toxic waste, and wet garbage. Sometimes you just have to admit defeat and concentrate on what you're going to do next. Chicago only improved after the Great Chicago Fire. The Simpsons picked up Springfield and moved it 5 miles down the road when they became flooded with garbage. In any anime they build Neo Tokyo after Tokyo gets nuked. It's not often (fortunately) that cities get a chance to rebuild themselves from scratch and do things better than before (2-way streets). New Orleans can take the first step and be an example of a future metropolis.

Advantages to floating megacity

  • Now flood-proof, this won't happen again in 25 year intervals
  • Becomes a port city, handles more importing/exporting
  • Practice for future waterworld cities after ice caps melt
  • Riverboat gambling laws apply to entire city!
  • Take that Japan! We get the future city first.

    Disadvantages

  • Seasickness
  • Lake Pontchartrain becomes very very dirty
  • The most expensive thing ever built, ever.

    UPDATE 9/2/05
    This article was written before it was realized just how bad the refugee situation would become. It wasn't meant to mock, or make light of the subject. If it makes you feel better, I've donated $100 (2 years of ad revenue) towards the relief effort. Seeing how the Red Cross pocketed that $1 billion after 9/11, I chose a different charity that I also used for the tsunami relief. Direct Relief Intl. is a non-profit, non-religious, non-political charity. They have an assload of credentials, you can specify a specific cause for the money to go directly to (ie hurricane katrina), and less than 3% of donations go towards administration cost. I'd encourage you to donate if you haven't.
    thanks,
    the administration

    • Posted by maddh at August 30, 2005 10:15 PM

    Trackback Pings

    TrackBack URL for this entry:
    http://www.dorkingout.com/mt-tb.cgi/56

    Listed below are links to weblogs that reference My Submission for Neo Orleans:

    » new orleans-related bits. from sweetney
    racism: “finding” vs. “looting” on rebuilding new orleans: Advantages to floating megacity Now flood-proof,... [Read More]

    Tracked on August 31, 2005 06:46 AM

    » Neo Orleans: Floating Mega-City from YesButNoButYes
    Dorking Out has a proposal to rebuild New Orleans as a floating mega city. A little tongue-in-cheek, but still thought-provoking. Advantages to floating megacity - Now flood-proof, this won't happen again in 25 year intervals - Becomes a port... [Read More]

    Tracked on August 31, 2005 08:47 AM

    » Katrina's Ugly Aftermath from Gothamist
    With the harrowing (and crazy - you've seen the looting video) news footage of Katrina's wake in Louisianna and Mississippi and Louisiana governor's announcement that everyone must leave New Orleans, New Yorkers have been working to help out the affect... [Read More]

    Tracked on August 31, 2005 10:11 AM

    Comments

    I like the idea!

    I doubt a massive structure in a lake would move move so seasickness wouldn't be much of an issue. Perhaps the structure could be more vertical so it doesn't take up as much space as shown.

    Posted by: Robert at August 31, 2005 07:43 AM

    Oh hell yes. Excellent idea, and probably no more expensive than the cleanup and restoration of the existing city, if it's even possible.

    Posted by: Jeb at August 31, 2005 09:06 AM

    I think Neo Orleans is a great idea. Would there still be head for beads at Mardi Gras though?

    Posted by: Todd Streeter at August 31, 2005 11:20 AM

    Flood-proof yes, but sustained 150 mile-per-hour wind-proof?

    Posted by: Mr. Brownstone at August 31, 2005 03:43 PM

    Tongue-in-cheek Mr. Brownstone, tongue-in-cheek ;)

    Posted by: maddh at September 1, 2005 12:22 AM

    The question, however, is valid. Does it make sense at all to rebuild the city?

    Posted by: Tim at September 1, 2005 06:31 AM

    Posted by: Mark at September 4, 2005 09:02 PM

    ok, then we'll all ride to work on a chariot made of chocolate feathers. How do companies expect to be take seriously when they can't even spend $100 to make a site that doesn't look like someone 14yr old girls personal homepage or spend $8 on a .com domain instead of .us?

    Posted by: maddh at September 6, 2005 11:55 AM

    Advertisment