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September 14, 2005

Card Throwing: A Course in One Part.

Ever wanted to throw playing cards like your favorite cajun X-Man Gambit? First off, I won't tell anyone your totally gay for a comic book hero. Secondly, playing cards do not explode upon impact, at least not without modficiations. Thirdly, you need to decide which kind of grip you'll use to throw, the Hermann, the Scarlet Mustache, the Thurston Method, the Drunken Mermaid, or my favorite grip the Reverse Stranger.

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September 13, 2005

The Geek Hierarchy

The Geek Hierarchy is a chart showing which geeks look down upon other geeks and their relations to all types of geeks. For example, video gamers look down on Role Playing Gamers, who look down on Live-Action Role Playing Gamers, who look down on 13yr olds, who look down on Furries, who look down on Erotic Furries. Or, SciFi Literature fans look down on SciFi TV fans, who look down on Trekkies, who look down on Trekkies that speak Klingon, who look down on Trekkies Who Get Married in Klingon Garb, who look down on Furries, who look down on Erotic Furries. It's all one big geeky pyramid, and the Erotic Furries are ALWAYS on the bottom.

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l33t SCRABBLE T1LEZZ!!1!!1!one

F you grandma! These are Scrabble tiles for my generation! Does your scrabble set lack enough zero tiles to spell out n00b? No @s to write Ph3@R my 5K1LLZ? You've spent years mastering l33t sp34k and pwning n00bs playing counter-strike, so you might as well carry things over to family game night. These Leet Tiles supply the proper Scrabble formated lexicon to be able to tell your sister she is s0 teh suX0rz! lolz

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September 07, 2005

A Night at the Cosplay

Is it BI-MON-SCI-FI-CON already? Not yet, but for now you can check out Dragon Con's cosplay gallery. If you don't know what cosplay is, it's where fans like a character so much, they embarrass themselves and their family in public, but we do not judge at dorkingout, your creepy hobby is safe here. Over 1300 photos of people turning the geek up to 11 (thats just day 1). With more pageantry than a gay pride parade at Carnival[can't make mardi gras references anymore], its obvious what makes these fans truly hardcore. Some are pretty interesting. Some are embarrassing. Some are really dudes. And surprisingly the cute chick to minger ratio isn't half bad. Some of my favorites are The Maxx, Margot from Royal Tenenbaums, C.O.B.R.A., Leeloo, The Crazy 88, and Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Would someone let that stormtrooper know that his mom is waiting to pick him up outside?

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Starship Size Does Matter

Ever want to compare an Imperial Star Destroyer to a Klingon Negh'Var? Or the ships from Starship Troopers to 2001 Space Odyssey, Babylon-5, or Macross? No? Well this guy did it anyways. Jeff Russell's Starship Dimensions compares side-by-side the scales of starships from a few dozen different sci-fi series through 7 different orders of magnitude. Fantastically nerdy stuff. Apparently HALO could eat Borg Cubes like candy.

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September 06, 2005

Le Magnifique Micro Métro X-Wing

Time for your daily star wars dose. A very meticulous Frenchman named Hubert has created a miniature X-wing out of used Métro rail tickets. (This will go nicely with the miniature wookie made from body hair clippings) In his forum post he shows you how you can do it in 41 not-so-easy steps. The nice big detailed photos show that he really puts the "metro-" in Métro, look how nice and clean his nails are.

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September 01, 2005

Epic Battle of the Anachronisms

You know those kids (although 18-30yr olds aren't really considered kids) who dress up like medieval warriors and have mock battles with foam swords on the quad at school? Well I guess they were talking smack to the kids from the other pretend dimensions. In this epic battle I see: Knights, elves, a ninja, Raiden from Mortal Kombat, a wizard, a cowboy, a cardboard giant, and my personal favorite, the fat bald guy wearing the Scottish kilt and throwing ninja stars at the giant. Watch them argue about hitpoints and try to impress that one girl that’s watching them. Pure nerd gold platinum.

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Princess Leia's Metal Bikini

Star Wars fetishists rejoice. You're all-time favorite thing about the saga (no not Jar-Jar Binks) has its very own fan site. All guys remember (as well as the women who watch Friends) the scene in Return of the Jedi where Leia is wearing the metal bikini. For some it was a wonder of metallurgy and engineering, for some of you it might have even sparked puberty to start. LeiasMetalBikini.com is filled to the brim with detailed scene analysis, tons of fan art, and pages and pages of women (actual women) dressed up in the metal bikini costume. You can find some cute ones in there, but it’s funnier to find the fugs.

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August 29, 2005

Dignity, thy name is Atari Buckle

Yeah that's right, they went there. From the makers of the NES Buckle, comes the Atari Buckle. It's basically an Atari 2600 controller on a belt, and thats it. Wear this baby on a crowded subway and show women your smooth 2.5inch nub. Also be prepared to answer "Why does your belt buckle look like a penis?" like every 10 minutes. Atari 2600 Joystick Belt: $65, Stormtrooper Helmet: $75, knocking over the espresso of the only girl who would talk to you with with your black plastic belt-on phallis: priceless.

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August 26, 2005

Playboy joins the Interweb Super-Info-Highway

Playboy is planning to release a digital web version of their magazine to deliver you even more ads while you're reading in-depth articles about politics in Iraq and catching swordfish in the Caribbean, oh yeah and the 8 out of 120 pages that actually contain nudity. So Hef's big new idea is to offer pornography over the internet huh? Way to stay on top of the trends. Should I send him a Hootie and the Blowfish CD and some parachute pants (burgundy silk of course). Maybe I could tell him how the OJ Simpson trial ends?

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August 22, 2005

Blinded by science!

Something Awful has a little piece about really bad sci-fi/fantasy books and the covers that adorn them. Star fleet head librarian finds magical amulet, baby, and an invisible cat? check. Jaba the Hutt's bearded cousin and his twink bodyguard want to put Han in carbonite? check. Vampire Highschool haunted by ghosts? double check. Literature so bad its good, but also cycles back to bad again. Note to self-hating-nerds: these books can not even be read for ironic value, so go read some Douglas Adams ya slags!

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August 19, 2005

3-card Azgalor Holdem': night-elves are wild

Two nerdy trains are about to collide in a spectacularly geeky explosion. Train 1 is the kids at who spent the lunch period playing Magick the Gathering card games (I know this is a safe place for nerds, but those kids were lame). Train 2 is the spare-time-having rabid maniacs of World of Warcraft. When the debris and sinew has settled, what is left will be The World of Warcraft: The Trading Card Game. This is uncharted territory of geekdom. It's so lame it might tear the fabric of time and space.

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August 17, 2005

What has two wheels and no shame?

I'm all for dorking out if it's what you're into, but I can not defend the Segway. For those who don't know what the Segway is, it provides customers with a way to spend $5000 to look like a tool. [unless you're this guy, who can make anything look cool] It also allows 1998 dot.com-bubble CEOs to easily get from the company's "Imagineering Dept." to the local Organic Espresso Co-op Cafe without mussing up their pleats and then to the New Age Healing Center to get a crystal to help align their ponytails with their chakras. These guys are making a documentary about crossing the country on Segway's at the rate of 10mph. Although we'd all like to try a Segway at least once just to see, it would ideally be on private property, at night, wearing a ski mask, and I wouldn't tell a soul. The original invention the balancing tech was based off might be pretty cool if I ever lose the use of my legs. And the next version is pretty bad ass too.

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August 16, 2005

WD-Pentium2

We could play Germany or Florida on this one, but as we all know, Florida doesn't have computers yet. So its Germany. This guy has submerged his computer in vegetable oil to keep it cool. The oil is not electrically conductive but it does absorb heat well so in a way its almost ideal. The drives and connectors sit outside the oil tank to take care of the obvious questions. I'd expect this out of UB3r-1337 overclockers trying to get the most out of their very expensive rigs, but this thing is a Celeron 550Mhz, you could almost run it without fans just how it is in the first place. It's kinda overkill for such an old computer, but maybe he misses the days of boot disks and HIMEM loaders. I mean come on, it couldn't even reliably play his anime porn or David Hasselhoff mp3s. Oh well, sometimes its better not to question the hobbies of Germans, just let them do their thing. Alles klar?

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August 12, 2005

The Dark Art of Pen Tricks

Remember that smart kid in 5th grade who would always flip/spin his pen around his thumb effortlessly while he thinks. When you asked what matter of witchcraft was this, he'd try unsuccesfully to teach your apprentice ass. Thank you to Pentrix.com for explaining things in easy to understand instructions. I still can't do it.

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August 11, 2005

Finally, a sport for pasty people

Lucas Barton, You got served!!11!

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August 08, 2005

What happens in the basement, stays in the basement.

You know when its you and couple friends, a couch, no girlfriends, no jobs, a few cases of Milwaukee's Best with a modded xbox on the bigscreen?

Zelda Time Trials
Dirty Chewbacca Jokes
'Predator vs. Yourself' Fan Fiction
Quoting 'The Highlander' at inappropriate times
Embarrassingly uncool interests and guilty pleasures

Thats what this site is about.

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