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September 09, 2005

The Return to Innocence: The Keytar V-1

Lo, and on the 2,191,825th day, the Keytar was created, and it was good.
-Book of Dork 3:16
Keytar Inc.'s William's Keyboard Guitar is, believe it or not, a guitar with a keyboard on it. Different from other keyboard guitars, it's a huge guitar with strings that uses an octave of piano keys to mute the strings into different notes. They are so sure of the Keytar's ultimate domination of live instruments that they have opened a 10,444-square-foot production facility in Arkansas churning out 200 keytars a day retailing for $999 each. Considering the hot demand for these that's a guaranteed $200,000/day ($73 million/year)!!11!1!!one

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September 06, 2005

Build a frickin' Rail Gun!

In an attempt to further blur the line between games and reality for our impressionable youth, causing them to wreak anarchy on good god fearing americans and push the liberal agenda, William Harriss of gausspistol.com gives us DIY instructions and images on building your own electromagnetic projectile launching gauss pistol. The gauss pistol, while technically not a rail gun (rail gun makes a better title), uses a huge set of capacitors to magnetize coils launching a metal pellet at 78mph (for now). Bring this bad boy to your next Quake-themed paintball match. Before you go around chanting "BOOM HEADSHOT!" be careful not to get corned by n00bs cause the gun needs a wall outlet and 20 seconds to recharge.

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August 30, 2005

Floppy disc CD case

Do you have stacks and stacks of old 5.25" floppy discs lying around? If you're willing to part with your 1990 archive of alt.bin.scifierotica newsgroup posts (were you gonna hand them down to your children?), you can turn those old disks into cool retro CD cases. Just slice down one of the edges, gut the ferro-magnetic goodness inside, and insert CD. Then impress anyone born before 1980.

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August 29, 2005

Dignity, thy name is Atari Buckle

Yeah that's right, they went there. From the makers of the NES Buckle, comes the Atari Buckle. It's basically an Atari 2600 controller on a belt, and thats it. Wear this baby on a crowded subway and show women your smooth 2.5inch nub. Also be prepared to answer "Why does your belt buckle look like a penis?" like every 10 minutes. Atari 2600 Joystick Belt: $65, Stormtrooper Helmet: $75, knocking over the espresso of the only girl who would talk to you with with your black plastic belt-on phallis: priceless.

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August 26, 2005

1930 Catalog of Fraternal Haberdashery

Whether you belong to the Masons, Anti-Masons, Skull and Bones, The Illuminati, NO MA'AM, or the Knights of the One True and Excruciated Flying Spaghetti Monster, your secret society needs amusing and humiliating products for initiations, punishments, and entertainment. (You don't think they spend the entire day controlling world politics do you?) Check out the De Moulin Bros & Co. "Burlesque and Side Degree Specialties, Paraphernalia and Costumes" published in 1930. This isn't some college frat "oil check & atomic sit-up" hazing, these are some serious prank/torture devices, guaranteed to create loyalty to your organization. Some items of interest are: Six types of goats, The No-Man's Land, The Striking Maul and Greased Pole, Jewish and Swiss Naval Battle, Big Busy Bertha, and Pillow Fight.

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August 16, 2005

DIY Lawsuit, Eyebrow Removal

My personal hero of the day is this kid who built his own flamethrower out of plumbing and flame. Whether torching your way to the Alien Hive Queen, or clearing out a nazi bunker, this kid just earned some neighborhood respect. And after he gets arrested bringing this thing to school [hope they don't blame GTA again] here's a tip, learn the value of your ass in cigarettes, don't get low balled by your cell mate.

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WD-Pentium2

We could play Germany or Florida on this one, but as we all know, Florida doesn't have computers yet. So its Germany. This guy has submerged his computer in vegetable oil to keep it cool. The oil is not electrically conductive but it does absorb heat well so in a way its almost ideal. The drives and connectors sit outside the oil tank to take care of the obvious questions. I'd expect this out of UB3r-1337 overclockers trying to get the most out of their very expensive rigs, but this thing is a Celeron 550Mhz, you could almost run it without fans just how it is in the first place. It's kinda overkill for such an old computer, but maybe he misses the days of boot disks and HIMEM loaders. I mean come on, it couldn't even reliably play his anime porn or David Hasselhoff mp3s. Oh well, sometimes its better not to question the hobbies of Germans, just let them do their thing. Alles klar?

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August 11, 2005

OMG it does?

Porting DOOM to various devices (that weren't meant to play DOOM, or any game really) is all the geek-rage nowadays, spawning the internet meme It Plays Doom. A Gizmodo reader played on one of their jokes by actually making the site ItPlaysDoom.com. I'm adding this to my newsreader, This is deliciously nerdy, it sustains me.

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