The new Saddam really carries more of a sophisticated air about him. Instead of killing women and children you could imagine him at an upscale betting parlor discussing literature over an aged scotch. He's so L.A. I'm waiting to see him pull out his iPod.

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October 14, 2005

Updat3

Sorry it's been a while since the last post, things have become kinda busy. Plus there just isn't much dork news lately. If this were a gadget site i could just post the 10 to 15 variously branded MP3 players, PDAs and Personal Media players that come out daily but that would be insulting to the readers. Unfornately if I can't make fun of it or say something negative, sarcastic, self depricating, or snarky, I can't post it. I'll pick up again starting next week.
l4t3rz

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October 04, 2005

Middle Earth 2005 Photoshop Contest

TPS reports! Smash! Worth1000.com's latest photoshopping contest (that's right Adobe, I used the term photoshopping incorrectly) is incorporating Lord of the Rings magic and imagery into modern day settings. On a related note, since Dick Cheney controls the world, is rarely visible, and survived like 14 heart attacks, my guess is that he possesses the One Ring.

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October 03, 2005

The Amazing Amalgam of Moustachioed Men

A right savage 'Tash guvnah! I tried growing my beard out for a month and gave up cause it just ended up making me look like I'm homeless/Kevin Federline. Apparently the secret is a tophat, a monocle, and a lot of wax. Last week the World Beard and Moustache Championships were held in Germany (duh). There are categories for both Solo and Teams in moustaches, goatees, and full beards each with a set of sub-styles. Natural, English, Handlebar, Imperial, or Freestyle, how about best-in-show?

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September 26, 2005

New Opiate of the Masses: Inter-Species Wookie Pr0n

Sorry about the lack of updates. I have a real world job ($12 monthly ad revenue just doest cut it) that keeps me pretty busy. Also g0tz Id3nt1ty Theft3d! (0h n0es!) So that hasn't been fun. But it's still my responsibility to give the people what they want, Wookie-on-Pricess Star Wars Porn. This one is authentic, but a bit on the soft side. For the harder stuff check out this and this , then confess your sinful interests to PostSercret and pray that God doesn't have a monitoring proxy.

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September 21, 2005

Homemade Sentry Gun

Somewhere out there a space marine just messed his pants. This guy built his own working sentry gun using a Airsoft replica[for now] FN P90 BB-gun, a webcam, servos, and an old computer. It detects motion in its field of view, directs you to "freeze" (a la ED-209) and if the target moves in the next 5 seconds it will continuously pelt them with airsoft BBs using both horizontal and vertical targeting. Don't forget to check out the video of his little brother getting pwned.

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September 20, 2005

Coop's Atari Art Blog

The modern day Michelangelo of all things sexy, evil, and slightly chunky, the artist known as Coop is blogging his latest work in progress, including this one with the atari controller. She's a bit thick and orange, but points for the video games right? right? Anyone remember Lords of Acid? mm hmm.

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September 16, 2005

Revolution Controller iz teh SuX0rz wtf?

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought the Nintendo Revolution controller is s0 teh g4y!1!! Video gamers are not the most active people and the idea of holding ones hands at arms length in front of you for hours on end while swinging at stuff and keeping the left hand controller close enough for that 6 inch cable just doesn't sit well. Also there is going to be a flood of mundane life games to take advantage of this gimmick like virtually chopping food (from the promo clip). I could actually chop food for 1/1000th the price of the Revolution AND be able to eat the food when I'm done. And as for the controller skins to play the old Nintendo games, they did the impossible and made it even more uncomfortable than the original NES controller.
Enraged retro cartoon character/22-minute commercial, Captain N, puts it best:

“So I go from carrying a seven inch pistol [NES lightgun] to controlling fucking PowerPoint presentations? You know what? Fuck it. I’m just going to stuff a Virtual Boy in my underwear, start riding a Segway around town and just beg people to beat the shit out of me.”

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A Night at the Cosplay Part II: Sakura Con

Cosplay convention galleries are the flipped over SUV accidents of the internet. You just have to slow down to check it out when you pass. My theory is that the dorkier and more embarassing your hobby is, the more satisfying it has to be to you, otherwise you wouldn't risk money, health, or your chances of ever losing your virginity to do it. Capturing the moment of nerdgasm, these galleries show people at their most self-satisfied, finally able to express who they really are: ninjas, anthropomorphic animals, and schoolgirls.

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September 14, 2005

Card Throwing: A Course in One Part.

Ever wanted to throw playing cards like your favorite cajun X-Man Gambit? First off, I won't tell anyone your totally gay for a comic book hero. Secondly, playing cards do not explode upon impact, at least not without modficiations. Thirdly, you need to decide which kind of grip you'll use to throw, the Hermann, the Scarlet Mustache, the Thurston Method, the Drunken Mermaid, or my favorite grip the Reverse Stranger.

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September 13, 2005

The Geek Hierarchy

The Geek Hierarchy is a chart showing which geeks look down upon other geeks and their relations to all types of geeks. For example, video gamers look down on Role Playing Gamers, who look down on Live-Action Role Playing Gamers, who look down on 13yr olds, who look down on Furries, who look down on Erotic Furries. Or, SciFi Literature fans look down on SciFi TV fans, who look down on Trekkies, who look down on Trekkies that speak Klingon, who look down on Trekkies Who Get Married in Klingon Garb, who look down on Furries, who look down on Erotic Furries. It's all one big geeky pyramid, and the Erotic Furries are ALWAYS on the bottom.

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l33t SCRABBLE T1LEZZ!!1!!1!one

F you grandma! These are Scrabble tiles for my generation! Does your scrabble set lack enough zero tiles to spell out n00b? No @s to write Ph3@R my 5K1LLZ? You've spent years mastering l33t sp34k and pwning n00bs playing counter-strike, so you might as well carry things over to family game night. These Leet Tiles supply the proper Scrabble formated lexicon to be able to tell your sister she is s0 teh suX0rz! lolz

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September 12, 2005

Le Pillow

Le Figure is a humanesque pillow "designed for teenagers" so you know its eXtreem to da' maXX homedawg! Designed by the Swedish (of course), it is designed not only to be used as furniture.

It can be your friend to hug, talk to or dance with, as well as a laid back piece of furniture. The human like shape makes it an interesting graphic element, which gives it a strong presence in any environment. Change the face on Le Figure to make it personal and fit your desires. Print out your idol, loved one or enemy on a transfer film and attach it to the removable velcro face

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September 09, 2005

The Return to Innocence: The Keytar V-1

Lo, and on the 2,191,825th day, the Keytar was created, and it was good.
-Book of Dork 3:16
Keytar Inc.'s William's Keyboard Guitar is, believe it or not, a guitar with a keyboard on it. Different from other keyboard guitars, it's a huge guitar with strings that uses an octave of piano keys to mute the strings into different notes. They are so sure of the Keytar's ultimate domination of live instruments that they have opened a 10,444-square-foot production facility in Arkansas churning out 200 keytars a day retailing for $999 each. Considering the hot demand for these that's a guaranteed $200,000/day ($73 million/year)!!11!1!!one

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Flying Spaghetti Monster: The Religion: The Game

Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is nothing new here at Dorking Out since it's become our official site religion. He [The Flying Spaghetti Monster] created the universe, all evidence pointing towards evolution was intentionally planted by Him. Now you may walk in His steps [except that He flies and has no feet] and touch the unconverted with your noodly appendage. But Stay away from those intelligent-design pushing Kansas school board members! When the time runs out, you'll meet the converted Pastafarians in Heaven next to the Stripper Factory and Beer Volcano.

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September 08, 2005

Steven Seagal's eXtreme Energy Action Power Drink

Former action-star and originator of the Chinese man-dress fashion, Steven Seagal, has formulated his very own energy drink, "Lightning Bolt". The drink includes an expertly blended formula of health supplements such as guarana, ginseng, and goji berries which aid in snapping necks and folding someone's elbow backwards without resorting to guns. The B-vitamins also help you deal with those evil [oil company CEOs/Corrupt Sheriff/Misguided Youth Gangs] who want to [start drilling for oil/Close the Youth Center/Use guns instead of Martial Arts] in your [insert small town/coastal community]. If anyone knows formulas, it's Steven Seagal. Available in Cherry Charge, Root Beer Rush, and Asian Experience[?].

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September 07, 2005

A Night at the Cosplay

Is it BI-MON-SCI-FI-CON already? Not yet, but for now you can check out Dragon Con's cosplay gallery. If you don't know what cosplay is, it's where fans like a character so much, they embarrass themselves and their family in public, but we do not judge at dorkingout, your creepy hobby is safe here. Over 1300 photos of people turning the geek up to 11 (thats just day 1). With more pageantry than a gay pride parade at Carnival[can't make mardi gras references anymore], its obvious what makes these fans truly hardcore. Some are pretty interesting. Some are embarrassing. Some are really dudes. And surprisingly the cute chick to minger ratio isn't half bad. Some of my favorites are The Maxx, Margot from Royal Tenenbaums, C.O.B.R.A., Leeloo, The Crazy 88, and Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Would someone let that stormtrooper know that his mom is waiting to pick him up outside?

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Do-It-Yourself Ergonomic Keyboard

First to answer your questions. Yes, he is wearing a pink shirt, and Yes he did cut a keyboard in half and attach it to his ergo-chair. Master of Ergonomics, Sir Brian Craft, did things the hard way by meticulously separating a $14 keyboard in half, then attaching them by a length of cable so that he can put the 2 parts on the side of his ergonomic kneeling chair (apparently a very natural position for typing). Very clever, but I think the whole computer ergonomics crowd will go a bit too far. In a few years you'll find yourself suspended by hooks from the ceiling over your 3 part keyboard tapping one key at a time with a chopstick held in your mouth, but at least your hands won't get sore.

Bonus: He's also anti-intelligent-design. He gets a gold star!

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Starship Size Does Matter

Ever want to compare an Imperial Star Destroyer to a Klingon Negh'Var? Or the ships from Starship Troopers to 2001 Space Odyssey, Babylon-5, or Macross? No? Well this guy did it anyways. Jeff Russell's Starship Dimensions compares side-by-side the scales of starships from a few dozen different sci-fi series through 7 different orders of magnitude. Fantastically nerdy stuff. Apparently HALO could eat Borg Cubes like candy.

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September 06, 2005

Science ruins hole digging dreams

Did grandpa or some equivalently old man ever tell you that if you started digging down far enough you'd end up in China? Well he was wrong, very wrong. Should he even survive the crushing heat and pressure of a molten iron core, he'd most likely come out in the Indian Ocean, realizing that his geo-sino-ignorance and lack of science was his ultimate doom. Dig to the Other Side is an implementation of the Google Maps API that allows you to select where you want to start digging down the street level, then chart its location directly on the other side of the globe, indicated by Your hole ends here! This is a creative use of Google Maps and fun for a couple minutes, but I doubt you'll be making it your new homepage.

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Le Magnifique Micro Métro X-Wing

Time for your daily star wars dose. A very meticulous Frenchman named Hubert has created a miniature X-wing out of used Métro rail tickets. (This will go nicely with the miniature wookie made from body hair clippings) In his forum post he shows you how you can do it in 41 not-so-easy steps. The nice big detailed photos show that he really puts the "metro-" in Métro, look how nice and clean his nails are.

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Build a frickin' Rail Gun!

In an attempt to further blur the line between games and reality for our impressionable youth, causing them to wreak anarchy on good god fearing americans and push the liberal agenda, William Harriss of gausspistol.com gives us DIY instructions and images on building your own electromagnetic projectile launching gauss pistol. The gauss pistol, while technically not a rail gun (rail gun makes a better title), uses a huge set of capacitors to magnetize coils launching a metal pellet at 78mph (for now). Bring this bad boy to your next Quake-themed paintball match. Before you go around chanting "BOOM HEADSHOT!" be careful not to get corned by n00bs cause the gun needs a wall outlet and 20 seconds to recharge.

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September 02, 2005

PocketMod: The Other Flexible Roll-out Display

If you want flexible roll-out displays but don't want to wait for Phillips to commercialize their technology, we've got a solution for you. The PocketMod is a cheap, simple to use, flexible PDA (actually PAA) that you can make at home, out of paper. In the spirit of the Hipster PDA, PocketMod is the solution for people who realize they don't need a $500 PDA, AC adapter, USB cables, and 2 hours of training to write down appointments and phone numbers. Customize the pocket mod for your needs through the website's interface, and print out your new organizer and use "analog ink" to record things. When its used up, just throw it out and print a new one.

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Everquest Hurricane Donations

Sony, who runs Everquest, has made a call to EQ2 users to donate to the Red Cross for Hurricane Katrina relief. Similar too their /pizza command, /donate will bring them directly to the Red Cross's donation site. This might be a better use of money than spending real-world cash on a new cloudsong for your L35 orc warrior. The Red Cross might accept copper, gold, or silver, but they definitely don't want your +3 Elven Bag of Holding.

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Flexible Roll-out Displays - 1 step closer to the promised land

Phillips has developed a prototype display that is able to be rolled out to a face-melting 320x240 2bit grayscale 5" screen. Although we've all been waiting for this for a while, they have no plans to commercialize it just yet. I'm only marginally impressed, call me when they develop the 17" color holographic touch-sensitive wireless internet enabled version of the rollout display. Also it should hover instead of being held.

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September 01, 2005

Jump Rope for the Rich and Lonely

Can we have one activity that technology doesn't ruin? Techno-artists Portugaly Orna, Talithman Daphna, and Younger Sharon have created a system that allows children to jump rope, alone, and in a dark windowless room, using $20K in equipment. A virtually projected man (like an actual man would twirl double-dutch?) spins a virtually projected rope across the floor and uses motion capture cameras to ensure you're jumping. Your performance will determine the path of the game's story. The game will not, however, provide counseling to children 15 years later when they discover they can't maintain healthy relationships with non-projected people.

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Epic Battle of the Anachronisms

You know those kids (although 18-30yr olds aren't really considered kids) who dress up like medieval warriors and have mock battles with foam swords on the quad at school? Well I guess they were talking smack to the kids from the other pretend dimensions. In this epic battle I see: Knights, elves, a ninja, Raiden from Mortal Kombat, a wizard, a cowboy, a cardboard giant, and my personal favorite, the fat bald guy wearing the Scottish kilt and throwing ninja stars at the giant. Watch them argue about hitpoints and try to impress that one girl that’s watching them. Pure nerd gold platinum.

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Princess Leia's Metal Bikini

Star Wars fetishists rejoice. You're all-time favorite thing about the saga (no not Jar-Jar Binks) has its very own fan site. All guys remember (as well as the women who watch Friends) the scene in Return of the Jedi where Leia is wearing the metal bikini. For some it was a wonder of metallurgy and engineering, for some of you it might have even sparked puberty to start. LeiasMetalBikini.com is filled to the brim with detailed scene analysis, tons of fan art, and pages and pages of women (actual women) dressed up in the metal bikini costume. You can find some cute ones in there, but it’s funnier to find the fugs.

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August 30, 2005

My Submission for Neo Orleans

First I'd like to say that the events surrounding the hurricane this week were(are) very tragic we don't intend this to make light of the humanitarian situation at all. There is no nice way to say it, but New Orleans is, quite literally, up shit creek without a paddle. Getting straight to the point: They should bail on New Orleans, and build Neo Orleans as a floating megacity on Lake Pontchartrain....

Read

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Perry Bible Fellowship

During my extensive investigation of Square Lake (60 seconds on google) I came across another comic that was kinda in the same vein of sardonic humor, but in a different direction. The Perry Bible Fellowship, written and illustrated by Nicholas Gurewitch, is a collection of dark and twisted humor wrapped in cotton candy. Give it a read, both the writing and the illustrations are top-notch.

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Floppy disc CD case

Do you have stacks and stacks of old 5.25" floppy discs lying around? If you're willing to part with your 1990 archive of alt.bin.scifierotica newsgroup posts (were you gonna hand them down to your children?), you can turn those old disks into cool retro CD cases. Just slice down one of the edges, gut the ferro-magnetic goodness inside, and insert CD. Then impress anyone born before 1980.

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WTF Japan: Making handmade CD players in school

A group of 4th graders in Japan who attended Sony's ExploraScience event were able to create working homemade (and hand cranked) CD players as they learn about basics of its digital signal technology. They were provided simple optical sensors to read paper cutouts that had different notes encoded in face-melting 3-bit audio (enough for 8 notes). <rant> This is what's wrong with America. Over there they are teaching kids how to understand technology and science, but over here we are replacing biology books with bibles. In 20 years Japan will be in its protective orbital hover-dome looking down on us as we Americans sacrifice virgins to please the sun, ensuring it will rise the next day. </rant> I guess we shall always look to Japan for a glimpse of the future (actually it's already wednesday there).

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August 29, 2005

Space Lab Van

This one's totally dorking out material, but I'll just let the quotes do the talking:

Here are photos of my uncle's van, in which he installed a couple Skylab simulator panels as well as a computer and other strangeness to complete the look of a space-van-craft circa 1975.

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Square Lake is the bees knees

Square Lake was a comic written and illustrated by Dan Acton that ran in the one of the University of Illinois student papers a few years back. The paper's website recently deleted the archive, but fortunately it was saved by the kbps blog. I had a couple classes with this guy, top-shelf fellow. The comic has some seriously dark humour. It's sort of like a 1930's Bazooka Joe gum wrapper comic that was regularly beaten as a child and forced to wear a skirt to school. Check out the archive.

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Dignity, thy name is Atari Buckle

Yeah that's right, they went there. From the makers of the NES Buckle, comes the Atari Buckle. It's basically an Atari 2600 controller on a belt, and thats it. Wear this baby on a crowded subway and show women your smooth 2.5inch nub. Also be prepared to answer "Why does your belt buckle look like a penis?" like every 10 minutes. Atari 2600 Joystick Belt: $65, Stormtrooper Helmet: $75, knocking over the espresso of the only girl who would talk to you with with your black plastic belt-on phallis: priceless.

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August 26, 2005

Colonel Sanders is rolling in his grave

Is it because gas has hit $3.09 here? possibly.. But it's also because a scientist has developed a way to make chicken entirely white meat. It's not as advanced as it sounds, but the process shreds dark meat into a liquid which is then put into a centrifuge. The centrifuge separates the mush into layers of water, fat, and extracted meat essence. The extracted part can then be pumped into molds to become tofu-like "white meat" (in that its no longer dark in color). People say it tastes bland and unappetizing, but what did you think, it was gonna taste better after all that?

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NES Duck Hunt Sniper Rifle

This is a great home made mod (with DIY instructions) on transforming the old NES light gun into a bad ass Sniper Rifle. Finally, my two favorite hobbies combined. Based off a converted air-soft rifle, this guy used a little electronics knowhow to keep everything functional including the trigger. One shot, one kill will be your creed as you pick off ducks and clay pigeons from distances of up to 6 feet (the controller cord is still the original length). It may not improve your game but that damn dog will think twice about laughing when you miss.

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1930 Catalog of Fraternal Haberdashery

Whether you belong to the Masons, Anti-Masons, Skull and Bones, The Illuminati, NO MA'AM, or the Knights of the One True and Excruciated Flying Spaghetti Monster, your secret society needs amusing and humiliating products for initiations, punishments, and entertainment. (You don't think they spend the entire day controlling world politics do you?) Check out the De Moulin Bros & Co. "Burlesque and Side Degree Specialties, Paraphernalia and Costumes" published in 1930. This isn't some college frat "oil check & atomic sit-up" hazing, these are some serious prank/torture devices, guaranteed to create loyalty to your organization. Some items of interest are: Six types of goats, The No-Man's Land, The Striking Maul and Greased Pole, Jewish and Swiss Naval Battle, Big Busy Bertha, and Pillow Fight.

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Playboy joins the Interweb Super-Info-Highway

Playboy is planning to release a digital web version of their magazine to deliver you even more ads while you're reading in-depth articles about politics in Iraq and catching swordfish in the Caribbean, oh yeah and the 8 out of 120 pages that actually contain nudity. So Hef's big new idea is to offer pornography over the internet huh? Way to stay on top of the trends. Should I send him a Hootie and the Blowfish CD and some parachute pants (burgundy silk of course). Maybe I could tell him how the OJ Simpson trial ends?

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August 25, 2005

End of the World Photoshopped

Oh no, it’s the end of the world! They must have finally legalized same-sex marriages, right? Not really, photoshopping competition site Worth1000.com's completed contest of the day is Mass Destruction. There are 25 entries depicting the end of the world and in true Hollywood fashion, its the recognizable cultural landmarks that are the first to be destroyed. (That poor Empire State Building has been blown up so many different times over the years) On the topic of destroying the earth, check out Geocide on no less than 11 realistic ways that the earth can be obliterated including the physics, timeline, resources, and odds of success for each way. A must for aspiring mad-scientists.

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The Sims present R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet"

For those of you not familiar with "Trapped in the Closet", it's R-Kelly's latest opus where he does the same song 5 different times and sing-describes every minute action of a love triangle drama. For those you not familiar with Machinima, it's a form of media using 3D videogame engines to create and direct scripted movies. Where these two converge is Kendra Flemons's recreations of all 5 chapters of Trapped in the Closet using the Sims engine. Do to some limitations though, there are no guns, sex is replaced with hugging, and bad acting is replaced with great 3D animations.

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Intelligent Design Illustrated

For those of you worried by our secular-leftist liberal-atheist terrorist-femocratic education system teaching the so called "scientific theory" to our impressionable youth, don't worry. The true American patriots are working hard to get more of the one true vengeful God into your children's science classes. If you've noticed the huge gaping cavernous holes in the logic of the Intelligent Design Theory, the angels at Don't Drink The Koolaid have a nice illustrated breakdown with explainations to clear up these contradictions for us so we can go back to our monster truck rallies and disapproving of Will and Grace.

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August 24, 2005

Top 10: Black Metal Promo Shots

Remember that chunky kid in your highschool named Steve? He'd occationally shave off his eyebrows, tried to grow a faustian goatee 5 or 6 chin-hairs at a time, and only started wearing a black trenchcoat AFTER Columbine. Well he's in a black-metal band now, and black-metal bands need promotional photos to let you know how down with satan they are. Compiled here in this most dark tome, written in blood, bound in human skin, is the Top 10 Most Ridiculous Black Metal Pics of All Time. I feel better about myself already.

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This issue of Duh Magazine: Movies Suck Now

King Snarky of Sarcastalot, Defamer, has a post about a NYTimes article (use BugMeNot to avoid registering) about how Hollywood execs are admitting that the reason for supposed "low earnings" may be because of their product, and possibly not their previous reasons of file sharing and terrorism. "Audiences have gotten smart to the marketing, and they can smell the good ones from the bad ones at a distance." Well there is that, but lets not forget: ever rising ticket prices, the price of theater snacks, the 30 minutes of commercials before the previews, the commercials that trick you to thinking its a preview, the movies that are actually 30% commercials and product placement, the 1/4th of seats in a theater that are at an unviewable angle that you have to sit in cause you didn't come 1 hour early, the $8 parking, the people who bring babies, the people who translate dialog in realtime to non-english relatives, and the re-makes, sweet jesus the re-makes. Can someone remind me again why I'm not pouring my money into this industry?

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Google Talk: A Constructive Criticism

Google Talk beta is Google's foray into the instant messenger world. Using a Jabber server of their own, they are attempting to popularize an open standard that hopefully the other clients (AOL, MSN, YAHOO) will one day follow, allowing the same interoperability that email enjoys. Although officially announced Wednesday, late Tuesday I found a link to the Google Talk download page a day early and decided to take the Google Talk beta for a spin to see what it's all about. I was able to get 2 other friends already on GMail to chat with me over the new client to see it in action. While I found a lot of things I liked, there were still many problems I see that might prevent this client from taking off at this point.

Read

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August 23, 2005

3D tactile feedback using air

Dorkingout field correspondent Torquil has submitted this link for perusal. The scienticians at the NTT Cyber Communications Laboratory Group in Japan have created an unteathered 3D force feedback device using grids of tiny individually controlled air holes in the surface of the table. It simulates the height or contact of a 3D object by adjusting the air pressure towards a pointing wand with an air scoop at the end. Before you ask, yes this may be used in the distant future to have cyber sex with your computer. However in the meantime I expect a few of the "Do It Yourself" inventor crowd to get caught by their mothers humping the airhockey table. "Its a prototype!"

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Galerie du Robocop

An anonymous artist named Egg has made a bunch of Robocop themed works using a flash based art program Artpad. His masterpieces have been collected in The Museum of Modern Robocop Art. Fantastic stuff except that there isn't any ED-209 action. Remember when Robocop killed the dad from That 70's Show?
Real quickly, some quotes:
RoboCop: Dead or alive, you're coming with me!
ED-209: Please put down your weapon. You have 20 seconds to comply.
Clarence: Bitches leave!
Bixby Snyder: I'd buy that for a dollar!

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Cool a Guinness to 2°C with a jet engine

This article isn't new but Hackaday dug it up and it fits in with my interests. This guy in New Zealand wants to cool down his Guinness (you must capitalize it) as fast as possible and possibly die while doing it. The theory is that when a compressed gas expands from liquid to gas it draws a lot of heat energy out with it, cooling down the surroundings. He plans to release an entire tank of propane in a few short minutes, but instead of just dangerously releasing the gas into his garage, he's dangerously burning it off with a jet engine made out of a car's turbo turbine. Me? I would have just used a refrigerator, but no one would want to read about that.

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ENGADGET  198...... NO CARRIER

If you're old enought to remember Upload/Download ratios, ASCII art, and callback verifiers, you'll love Engadget's little Engadget 1985 special. (If you have no idea what those are Learn some history! (and stay in school (and say no to drugs))). Done in the style of the BBS systems of old, it has monospaced type, 16 color images, suitcase sized cellphones, floppy disk drives, it's perfect! Can you remember the excitement of your favorite bbs getting a second line with a 19.2Kb modem? Pirating the non-shareware version of Wolfenstein3D? Boot disks? Ascii pr0n? Those were the days.

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August 22, 2005

$19.95 for +6 Stupidity

Geek on Stun holds a mirror to the oily face of geekdom. They definately turn the Snarky to 11 for their semi-daily posts, today's as thought provoking as ever. Whats up with the face plates, and do manufacturers (i'm looking at you microsoft) really expect us to pay an extra $60-$100 getting several new faceplates to match our personality(ies). Today I feel like my xbox should have [flames/matrix code/master chief's head/dave matthew's band].
I expect the $20 Xbox 360 faceplates to appeal to the same people who have a "Calvin pissing on a chevy" logo on the back of their Ford, and/or have a barbwire tattoo around their bicep. (you know, cause its dangerous) It expresses to the world who they are, retarded.

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Blinded by science!

Something Awful has a little piece about really bad sci-fi/fantasy books and the covers that adorn them. Star fleet head librarian finds magical amulet, baby, and an invisible cat? check. Jaba the Hutt's bearded cousin and his twink bodyguard want to put Han in carbonite? check. Vampire Highschool haunted by ghosts? double check. Literature so bad its good, but also cycles back to bad again. Note to self-hating-nerds: these books can not even be read for ironic value, so go read some Douglas Adams ya slags!

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Nov 13th: Intl. Database Poisoning Day

If you've ever heard of Bugmenot, its a service that provides fake logins for those "free registration to view" news sites that try to collect your information just to read the latest on troops dying or Britney Spears's baby. You can donate by creating fake login/pass(s) and submitting them to bugmetnot for everyone to use (a firefox plugin makes grabbing the logins easy). Their service is a protest to the practice of collecting and selling user information for neferious purposes. They are asking you to register at least one fake profile (ie poison a database) on 1 or more of the top news sites: www.nytimes.com, www.washingtonpost.com, www.latimes.com, www.ajc.com, www.chicagotribune.com, www.dallasnews.com, www.nypost.com, www.baltimoresun.com, www.philly.com, www.mercurynews.com on November 13th. The more useless demographics they have the less their data is worth, Screw advertisers! Cept mine to the right ----->

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Quake 3 Source Released, Dorking Out contest announced

Programmers rejoice, for Id, in all their de-crowned glory, has bestowed upon us the source code for Quake3 engine. In a tradition of releasing last generation's 3d engine, opening the source allows bedroom programers to view the nuts and bolts of what makes a classic FPS. Also to one day port it to their calculators. This brings us to our first Dorkingout.com reader contest: 1000 shillings to make a Q3 mod with the theme as: People who want to teach Intelligent Design in schools vs. the Smart People. Int-Des players don't have to obey gravity (they don't believe in gravity) but they can't use weapons based on science (rocket launcher, railgun, etc.) while the Smart People can. Extra points for featuring the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

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August 19, 2005

Like a magic wand, for Pr0n

From the uberhackers at i-hacked.com, you can use a $12 universal remote from radio shack to +o+a11y h4x0r the PayPerView system in hotels and get programming for free. (I suggest March of the Penguins) The directions seem pretty simple enough, now if it could only open the snack bar and activate the vibrating bed.

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Circle of Death Simulator

What is our current terror alert level, yellow? So something could happen anywhere, anytime, or maybe not. Won't someone please think of the children?! We'll someone did, the High Yield Detonation Effects Simulator (or HYDESim) will tell you (based on your location and size of the nuclear weapon) whether your children will be vaporized, serverely burned, or just slowly dying from fallout. It uses the google maps API and is pretty handy. You could actually use it to chart anything that propagates in a cirle like gossip, universal brotherhood, or ebola. Note: does not apply to things that are "sweeping the nation" since that would be a left-to-right horizontal gradient.

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I 'n' I, Jah Pastafari

Shut down the internet, because it has finally peaked, it's all downhill from here. This is the greatest thing ever. Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the parody religion (as believable as any) created as an alternate explanation to evolution in response to the Kansas Board of Education voting to allow "Intellegent Design" to be taught instead of evolution in public schools. (hope they don't plan on going to any accredited univeristy) Basically, the pilars of the religion are that
The Universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster
All evidence pointing towards evolution was put in place by His Noodly Appendage
Global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct consequence of the decline in numbers of pirates since the 1800s.

The benefits of this religion are
Like the great noodles they worship, Flying Spaghetti Monsterists have flimsy moral standards
Religious holiday every Friday
Promise of a stripper factory and a beer volcano in Heaven.

Sign me up it deserves just as much discussion in science class as intelligent design does.

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3-card Azgalor Holdem': night-elves are wild

Two nerdy trains are about to collide in a spectacularly geeky explosion. Train 1 is the kids at who spent the lunch period playing Magick the Gathering card games (I know this is a safe place for nerds, but those kids were lame). Train 2 is the spare-time-having rabid maniacs of World of Warcraft. When the debris and sinew has settled, what is left will be The World of Warcraft: The Trading Card Game. This is uncharted territory of geekdom. It's so lame it might tear the fabric of time and space.

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August 18, 2005

Han Shot First

It's Starwars mania today. I like this one though. There is sort of a campaign against Lucas having pussified the Han v. Greedo cantina scene (among many of his cinematic vandalisms) in the most recent re-re-re-re-re-release of the original trilogy. Instead of the scene you and I grew up knowing where Han shoots Greedo before Greedo can shoot him, the scene was heavily altered to make it look like Greedo shot first (who misses a target 2 feet away from you?) which makes Han look like the victim, thusly justified in shooting Greedo. I've always said the library of congress should have confiscated the originals a long time ago for their protection. And someone (i don't care who) should have gotten punished for the whole Jar Jar thing.

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omg chng me lolz! (^_^)

Are you sitting down? Prepare to have your mind blown. Fujitsu has developed a light bulb that will send a SMS txt msg through the internet (what no tiny phone inside?) alerting you when it's burnt out. I shit you not. Have we already approached the technological singularity where this is what counts as progress? You know how I know when a bulb has burnt out? When I flip the switch and the room is still dark. No need to tie up the internet with useless information as people might not be able to get through to the important stuff.

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Hey me too!

When I originally read about this a few hours ago, I didn't think it was thaaaat great, but now its on like every tech/humor site, and I'll be damned if I'm the only blog on the planet not to have this starwars related post. So here you go, Vader has a Posse, and Kit Fisto has Meat Dread Locks. Apparently the Vader/Posse sticker was done by an actual LucasArts employee. cool?
sidenote: Vader is listed as 6'8" but Hayden Christensen is listed as 6'1", does that mean Vader has 7 inch platform shoes?

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Vasquez gets those big black boots on

On the topic of Aliens from the last post, here is a really catchy ode to the lesbisuperiority of Space Marine Pvt. Vasquez. Her cropped hair, her bandana, the black boots, and the shoulder mounted chain gun. She only needs to know 1 thing: Where they are. Is it love? No she'd only break my heart in the end, or blow us both up with a grenade. You'll be humming this tune all day.

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August 17, 2005

Alien Lvs. Predator

Tired of having to write all your own Alien vs. Predator fan fiction? (Yes we all know what you would do with invisibility armor) Let these guys do it for you, and while not in the same vein as the Alien or Predator movies, its pure bliss compared to the "burning diaper filled with indian food" that was Alien vs. Predator (I refuse to call it AVP) Anyways in Alien Loves Predator they live together in some sort of weird lifemate situation, and experience New York as only 2 co-habitating predatory aliens of different species can. The web comic has around 140 pages if you've got time to check the archive.

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What has two wheels and no shame?

I'm all for dorking out if it's what you're into, but I can not defend the Segway. For those who don't know what the Segway is, it provides customers with a way to spend $5000 to look like a tool. [unless you're this guy, who can make anything look cool] It also allows 1998 dot.com-bubble CEOs to easily get from the company's "Imagineering Dept." to the local Organic Espresso Co-op Cafe without mussing up their pleats and then to the New Age Healing Center to get a crystal to help align their ponytails with their chakras. These guys are making a documentary about crossing the country on Segway's at the rate of 10mph. Although we'd all like to try a Segway at least once just to see, it would ideally be on private property, at night, wearing a ski mask, and I wouldn't tell a soul. The original invention the balancing tech was based off might be pretty cool if I ever lose the use of my legs. And the next version is pretty bad ass too.

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Our dichotomy opens the combat, Let us counter-attacking

This isn't anything fresh, but I have a commitment to the masses to give at least one starwars or starwars-like post per day. This guy's blog rehashes another guy's blog (don't we all?) about a Chinese bootleg of Revenge of the Sith that had its Chinese audio translated back into English subtitles. Some of them are funny, but if you like getting lost in translation, here is a cool google hack Poetry in Translation that takes your sentence, translates it to german, then german to french, then french to german, then back to english with some interesting results.
"To be or not to be, that is the question." => "Its or, the question is that."

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TV email alerts

Patent Pending TV Eyes scans 500 channels of television in realtime, logging the closed caption content of every show. You can select keywords to have the TV Eyes email you alerts every time your keywords are mentioned on television with information on where and when it was mentioned. If your into space news use the keyword "NASA". If you like being the first to know about embarrassing celebrity deaths use "autoerotic self asphyxiation" as your keyword. Maybe you want to know every bit of news about Britney Spears's pregnancy, just type "I am retarded", then type it again, cause you are.

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August 16, 2005

Robotic weight-loss surgery

Surgeons from Stanford Uni's School of Medicine have used robotically controlled instruments to perform a successful stomach stapling surgery. The surgery was performed laparoscopically (through small holes and yes thats the correct spelling) and allowed his tons-of-fun abdomen to be supported cybermechanically instead of by the surgeons strength. If only this option can be added to the sex android advances discussed earlier, you can kill two birds with one sexy/dangerous stone.

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DIY Lawsuit, Eyebrow Removal

My personal hero of the day is this kid who built his own flamethrower out of plumbing and flame. Whether torching your way to the Alien Hive Queen, or clearing out a nazi bunker, this kid just earned some neighborhood respect. And after he gets arrested bringing this thing to school [hope they don't blame GTA again] here's a tip, learn the value of your ass in cigarettes, don't get low balled by your cell mate.

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WD-Pentium2

We could play Germany or Florida on this one, but as we all know, Florida doesn't have computers yet. So its Germany. This guy has submerged his computer in vegetable oil to keep it cool. The oil is not electrically conductive but it does absorb heat well so in a way its almost ideal. The drives and connectors sit outside the oil tank to take care of the obvious questions. I'd expect this out of UB3r-1337 overclockers trying to get the most out of their very expensive rigs, but this thing is a Celeron 550Mhz, you could almost run it without fans just how it is in the first place. It's kinda overkill for such an old computer, but maybe he misses the days of boot disks and HIMEM loaders. I mean come on, it couldn't even reliably play his anime porn or David Hasselhoff mp3s. Oh well, sometimes its better not to question the hobbies of Germans, just let them do their thing. Alles klar?

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One step closer!

Geeks rejoice, your ultrarealistic pleasure androids are one itsy bitsy step closer, as scientists in Japan (as if you thought anywhere else) have developed a flexible artificial skin that combines pressure and temperature sensors in some creepy looking skin. Eventually advances will require skin to be moisturized to maintain realism, in which case you can finally say "It rubs the lotion on itself, or it gets the hose!"

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August 15, 2005

Finally, a cocktail that's right for me....and you, and you, and you, and...

At last, this whole internet thing is starting to live up to the hype. Thanks to the mixilator, no longer will I have to sit through 1-on-0 drinking sessions suffering an onslaught of unimaginitive, impersonal cocktails. David Embury's drink generator will whip up a little something-something just for you depending on time of day, taste, strength, and other key preferences that only you and your bartender/therapist are privy too. Links to Cocktail DB for ingredient explanations (WTF is Sauterne?!?), and suitable substitutions (apparently, ordinary white wine will make a fine alternative to Sauterne) are helpful and almost necessary. Also, there are robots [/nerd quotient satisfied]. So now instead of pouring Busch Light onto cheerios for my AM fix, I can enjoy a tarty, aromatic "Handled Drummer". Wicked! Thank you AOTS.

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Bible Games

MSNBC has an article on the growing movement of Christian video game developers. In reaction to an industry filled with violence and immoral themes, they feel games can be based more on doing good and increasing one's faith. That's a fantastic idea, lets make games that aren't good. Well, Christian Rock isn't good and it pulls in millions so maybe they got the right idea. What teachings from the Bible could they recreate? First-Person Lashing of J.C.? Abraham killing his son? Red Sea platform jumping? Killing the first-born time trials? Taking thy brother's wife after you stoned him to death?

Nope, nothing even that fun. here's a quote, and I sh1t Thee not.
“I play a lot of Christian video games,” Tolin said. “They don’t have fights. You just have to follow Jesus and pick up little crosses for points.”

Speechless... so at best, we'll have Katamari Jesus. I think playing that game for an hour would drive me to commit a violent crime.

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Sometimes a glitch is just a glitch

Although I wouldn't call it Art per se, there is a certain nostalgic appreciation for what some call "Glitch Art" from The-inbetween. Remember back in the day when an NES game got too dirty (you didn't buy the $11 cartridge cleaner kit?!) and wouldn't load up correctly? Junk data would often show up on the screen as non-graphic data was interpreted as graphics. Modern day 3D game engines can also show their own form glitch art. (ever turn off clipping and try to walk off the screen?) Some were bland but some had some interesting colors and shapes and such. Its not talent, just mildy interesting.

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Pee-powered battery smaller than a credit card

It's about time, because my old suitcase sized pee-powered battery was such a pain to lug around and fill. Plus I lost the lid so it was prone to spilling. Physicists in Singapore have developed a credit card sized power source able to deliver 1.5uW at 1.5V using .2ml of fresh urine as a catalyst. If only Howard Hughes could have known it was power he was collecting in jars, not just fetid urine. It is meant for one-off disposable items (home medical testing kits are one application) to deliver low power for several hours, so we're not yet to the point of peeing directly into the laptop (solving two problems at once for marathon coders/gamers). Get ready for the custom case badges "Powered By [Mountain Dew/Coffee/Budweiser/Unicorn Blood]".

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That's Mr. Chewbacca to you

More gold daintily swiped from Octopus Dropkick. Business cards from all your favorite starwars characters. Add a bit more realism to the creepy tea parties you have with your starwars cardboard cutouts in your basement you sweaty man-child.
Some more camomile Darth? Oh why thank you, its because I use real butter, not margarine.... MOM I told you not to come down here!"

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omg pls cll 911, cnt feel my lgs :'-(

Laws are changing in Oceania (or the UK), where getting caught txtng whl drvn can land you a hefty fine. It is pretty dangerous when you think about it, which I don't. So for those of you in England who steer with your knee while having an extended AIM mobile conversation about the American Beauty deleted scenes you're watching on your in-dash DVD player in between bites of your french dipped sandwich and sips of hot coffee which you hold between your legs without a lid on, be careful, that could now cost you £1000, or $1400 euros, or $20,000 US.

The Mirror UK [via Engadget]

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August 12, 2005

"Don't worry, this monkey is in perfect health"

I just kinda got sick of seeing John Heder's face in the last post at the top of the page, so I thought I'd just knock it down one spot for the night with this masterpiece. Enjoy.

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The Dark Art of Pen Tricks

Remember that smart kid in 5th grade who would always flip/spin his pen around his thumb effortlessly while he thinks. When you asked what matter of witchcraft was this, he'd try unsuccesfully to teach your apprentice ass. Thank you to Pentrix.com for explaining things in easy to understand instructions. I still can't do it.

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Future Door!

So we all have fantasies about what the doors in the future will be like, will it be the lame left-to-right stupid noise making doors of Star Trek? Will they be the dangerously fast potentially fatal vertically sliding doors of the Death Star? Or maybe some circular closing steel iris design like the Stargate? Tanaka Seisakusyo's idea is a series of strips that open just enough to let someone (or something) through. Its based on IR sensors detecting exactly where and how much the strips need to be opened. According to the video, its barely functional and extremely impractical, but its important for Japan to constantly convince everyone else they live 50 years in the future. Unfortunately, I think the good old fashioned turn-the-handle-with-your-hand-and-pull method will probably last us the next 10,000 years. (unless we make room-to-room matter transporters first, doors R s0 t3h g4y!1!!)

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Adidas Team Zissou. Resplendent!

Remember that movie The Life Aquatic with Bill 'muthaFn' Murray? Japan-ophile Octopus Dropkick sighted a pair of the hot Adidas sponsored team shoes from the movie in a boutique in Japan. This is true Shoe P0rn for 2 reasons. First, it gets me excited. Second, its something I can never have, for they were for promotional (that movie was from last year) purposes only, Not for Sale. I'd bribe them, but shoes only go up to size 9 in Japan anyways.

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August 11, 2005

The Native Americans called it Maize...

So this farm makes corn field mazes every year with a different theme sponsored by the local TV station. This years maze is that of a Darth Vader poster from Ep III. I guess. I always wondered what a 5-acre Trademark Infringement looked like. Anyways thats the kinda geeky stuff we like here, except that they were paid to do it. It wasn't a true act of Star Wars geekdom done from the heart. So I'm torn. They did use GPS to trace the poster so thats kinda geeky, and maybe the corn is genetically modified. Ok I'm satisfied.

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OMG it does?

Porting DOOM to various devices (that weren't meant to play DOOM, or any game really) is all the geek-rage nowadays, spawning the internet meme It Plays Doom. A Gizmodo reader played on one of their jokes by actually making the site ItPlaysDoom.com. I'm adding this to my newsreader, This is deliciously nerdy, it sustains me.

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Can't come to work today, my genes are actin up

Science, in it's eternal quest to take the fun out of life through explanations, has discovered that your genetics can make you prone to hangovers while others can easily build tolerance (drinking more beers than you are years old). Like most genetic research they experimented with fruit flies, and since I also fly around in a jar and lay my eggs on rotting fruit it logically follows that their findings apply to me. While I don't know much about getting flies drunk, I do know that they can be used to power miniature aircraft. Chew on that one for a little.

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Finally, a sport for pasty people

Lucas Barton, You got served!!11!

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August 08, 2005

What happens in the basement, stays in the basement.

You know when its you and couple friends, a couch, no girlfriends, no jobs, a few cases of Milwaukee's Best with a modded xbox on the bigscreen?

Zelda Time Trials
Dirty Chewbacca Jokes
'Predator vs. Yourself' Fan Fiction
Quoting 'The Highlander' at inappropriate times
Embarrassingly uncool interests and guilty pleasures

Thats what this site is about.

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